for those of you who didn't know,
i am a PK.
this stands for Pastor's Kid.
God has planned and blessed me before time began
to serve Him as a pastor's daughter.
Yes, granted that there are times when i truly wish God had taken this title away from me,
there are times when i see God's glory revealed through the trials i face.
again, for those of you who didn't know,
my church recently went through a very tough time.
our church always had ups and downs
but for all the series of events, i've always ended up depending on God more.
well this time,
it's a bit different.
it's different because my dad made a difficult decision to declare resignation this past Lord's Day.
i have no idea what went wrong
i have no idea what God had planned for my dad, my family and my church
i have no idea where to go
i have no idea.
my dad planted this church 13 years ago,
with clear and sound vision from God.
throughout the past 13 years,
our entire family had some tough times
that almost risked my faith.
but because God has been holding onto me,
i didn't stray away.
our family poured our heart, tears, blood, and toil
so that God's kingdom may be revealed through our church.
but because of one small and selfish dynamite,
God's dwelling place divided and became broken.
yes, i know God is the Master of the church.
He is the only being with any sort of control.
but to see a church crumble
when my family has put so much into it....
is a very difficult thing to deal with.
because i am in this deep predicament,
i have no strength to carry on.
i have no desire to love.
i have this disposition now that church is a very flawed social gathering
only so that religious people can render their network and perform their daily routine for "God".
it's discouraging to see fellow Christians coming before God without any fear and trembling.
i've got to admit,
this bitterness arises from the hurt i received.
my situation has blinded me from seeing God's grace and love.
it has blocked the entirety of blessings i've been granted all my life.
right now, i feel as though i am stuck in an arid land.
everything so dry
everything so vulnerable, if someone were to light a match,
it will start an unstoppable conflagration.
i can't see anything.
i can't heart anything.
but i realize that the one and only way to cope with this is to walk by faith.
not by sight.
like the wind,
i may not be able to see the miracles i demand to see from God.
but like the wind,
i feel His presence and His authority above all things.
i wait on God
i pray to God.
i will be still and know that He is God.
and i will continue to obey.
1 Samuel 15:22b
22 To obey is better than sacrifice...
